...I wish I could say that I have a lot...but I don't. And it is hard. It is really hard.
My high school years were not the easiest for many reasons--but I'd have to say that this is the biggest reason. And right now, I really can't say that I have that much more confidence than I did in high school, but I'm working on it!
* I've been rewriting this post over and over the past few weeks because I don't want people to think that I'm depressed or anything, because that's not the case. And I also don't want people to think that I'm trying to get attention from this. Honestly, there's probably only four people that will end up reading this anyways. Haha. I probably wouldn't want to read this either if I were you! I just really haven't ever opened up to many people about this and I thought it might be good to let it all out. So here we go.
I'm just going to be really blunt: I wish I felt better about the way I look.
I think this all started in high school--there were so many changes going on in my life and I was just trying to figure myself out. I started comparing myself to others and it was completely tearing me apart! I remember seeing girls in the hallways at school and thinking things like, "I wish my hair was as pretty as her's." "I wish I had pretty eyes like her." "I wish my nose was more like her's." And so on...
Since then, I have learned that "comparison is the thief of joy." I have spent SO much time comparing myself to others. It is completely pointless. Absolutely, entirely, completely pointless. So what if that girl has prettier hair than me? So what if she has prettier eyes? So what if she has a cute little nose and I don't?
It literally doesn't matter--at all.
I have spent countless hours looking at myself in the mirror pointing out things about myself that I wish I could change, but I can't.
...the list goes on and on.
I'm going to learn to love...
My nostrils the size of Africa
My huge hips
My huge boobs
My squinty smile
My chubby cheeks
My brown eyes
My insane hair
My crazy eyebrows
My little baby ears
Now on the flip side of that, there are some things I can change. I'm going to be honest here...I've gained about 15-20 pounds since I moved to Indiana. And that is not okay. The move here was hard and there were many times when I was sad and lonely and I thought the only thing I could do to make me feel better was to eat food. I seriously was eating all the time. I ate when I was sad, bored, lonely, mad, happy...basically I was just always eating.
I realize I'm not overweight and I don't need any dramatic weight loss. What I do need is to be healthy and fit again. And the good news is, I'm on my way! I think what was stopping me all of this time was that I didn't think I could do it and I thought it would be too hard. I have spent so many nights crying myself to sleep because I did not feel good about myself at all, but I wasn't willing to take action! All I did was sit there and feel sorry for myself. Well, newsflash Lauren...
Nothing's gonna change unless you do something about it!
So, I got a gym membership a few weeks ago and am proud to say that have not missed a day since I got it! I have been pretty successful at "eating clean" as they call it, and I already feel so much better! Junk food just doesn't seem as appealing anymore--in fact, it makes me sick. They say it is 70% diet, 30% gym, and 100% dedication. And let me just say...I have never been so dedicated and so motivated to do something in my whole life! I am so ready to become a better me and have more confidence. Every step I take is for every tear I've shed. I've found that when I work out, I do feel better about myself and I don't focus the flaws I have--I focus on what I have achieved. I'm not perfect and I know that I will never be, but I just want to be the best me that I can be. I can already see that a healthier, more confident Lauren is on her way!
And NOTHING is going to stop me.
So, here I go on my road to hotness.
I realize that this is a trial that Heavenly Father wants me to have. It's been a rough journey, but I am grateful for it. He knows me and He knows what I am going through, and He is always there to help.
In the end, looks really don't matter at all, because you're a child of God.
"She understood who she was because she understood WHOSE she was." -Elaine S. Dalton
If you still have a minute, watch this video. You will not be disappointed that you did.
Well, that's all. I hope you're having a happy Sunday! :)